Directions
by Devils Stories
Summary: We each have a path to follow in our life, yet we often let ours be joined by other peoples. When someone makes it clear they don't intend to stay in the same lane as you, you probably shouldn't get so close.


Lucy looked away, biting the inside of her cheek as one of her eyes let a tear slip out and run down her cheek. She could see him out the window, she could see him walking away with his bag on his back. She wouldn't turn her head to fully watch though. She couldn't. She sniffed, desperately trying to hold back the sobs for now. She put herself in this position. She knew this was coming. Yet she had still spent her time with him, still fallen head over heels in love with him. BUt now they had finally reached that moment she had been dreading. She had always known he wanted to go into the military. He had always known she wanted _nothing_ to do with it. Yet they had both jumped in anyway.

Now, she would be leaving to college, and he would go off to the military, to train and get assigned to wherever they would need him. She wasn't cut out for the life of a military spouse. She had been raised in a military household and she hadn't been able to get out fast enough. She gripped the counter hard, more tears spilling out of her stubborn eyes. She saw him from the corner of her eyes turn his head to look back at her one more time. She closed her eyes tightly, letting out a quiet, shaky breath. She wouldn't let herself break down until he was gone. She'd wait till he got in the car and left.

Why was this so hard? She had known this was coming. They both had. But yet here she was, feeling like her heart was being ripped apart with every step he took. Her body physically ached. She felt dizzy and her stomach turned. She swayed. She wanted to collapse and not wake up for a year. She wanted him to _stop_ walking away but she'd be damned to hell if she dared to stop him. How could she ever dare to ask him to change his life plans? To ask him to not do what he wanted to do with his life? She wanted him, she craved him. But he had turned down the one road she couldn't follow. It was killing her, watching him load his stuff into the car. She could hear the grunt he let out at the effort of putting his bag in the trunk.

The tears came out in steady streams now and she glared at the counter, desperately trying to control her breathing. She was willing to do anything for him, but this was the one thing she couldn't do. She couldn't handle it. She was such an idiot. She knew this would happen since the very beginning of their relationship. She should have backed off the second those words came from his mouth. She knew she should have. But she couldn't stand the thought of leaving him the second she finally had her attention.

She should have listened to reason. She could feel his eyes on her through the kitchen window. She knew he was waiting, knew he was waiting for her to look at him, to change her mind. She couldn't, she refused. She turned her head further, telling him that she wouldn't look at him. She didn't want to see his face. It would rip her open. She heard a car door shut and she flinched. A few more moments passed where she could feel his gaze burn her. Her grip on the counter tightened, her knuckles turning white. The car turned on and Lucy let a small sob, her hand flying to her mouth to muffle them. She heard tires rolling, gravel shifting. Her shoulders started shaking and her sobs got louder through her hand. Her eyes closed tightly again and she hiccuped. She grabbed the counter again and bent over it, letting her sobs free. Her body shuddered and convulsed with every sound that left her. It physically hurt her to try and fill her lungs, leaving her gasping for air. She slowly sank to the floor, folding up in a puddle on the white tile. Her hands went to the ground as she let out her pain. Tears rolled down her cheeks and over her chin, dropping onto the floor. Her vision was blurry, her ears seemed to only register a distant roaring. She gripped her chest over her heart as she cried.

Why was fate so cruel to her? Why did she have to fall so hard for Natsu Dragneel? She was willing to follow him anywhere excluding that one road, but it was just her luck that he had already planned on going down that path. They had both held out, secretly praying the other would change their mind. They hadn't. Now she was on her kitchen floor bawling. She hated herself for not being strong enough to be there for him. She was willing to do whatever she needed to for him. She had been ready to spend her life with him, to support him in everything. But the one soft spot...the one thing that she couldn't handle. She wanted to scream, so she did. She screamed out her pain into the empty house, wailing the unfairness of it all. She cut herself off with extremely shaky breaths, her body desperate for air she tried to gasp but she had reached the point where her lungs had taken over, causing her lips to tremble as very short breaths entered her one after the other only to be followed by a dreadful wheezing sound that came from her.

Her head hurt, it felt like someone was banging on it with a hammer and it seemed to increase with every breath she took and every tear she shed. She could feel bile rising in her throat and she desperately pulled herself to the trash can, pushing in and hugging the sides just in time to empty the contents of her stomach. Her body arched as she retched, the hairs on her skin standing at attention. She pulled away from the trash can. Her nose was filled with snot, and now acid from throwing up. She shakily grabbed a paper towel, blowing hard. Her ears popped as she soaked the tissue with music. Her breathing had calmed ever so slightly, the tears slowing. She caught a glimpse of herself in the reflection of the refrigerator. Her hair was messing, her shirt scrunched up, her nose was red and her eyes were so puffy she was amazed that she could still see.

She took a ragged breath, glancing at the magnets on her refrigerator. Pain ran through her again, all of them were from places they had been together, pictures of them together all over the place. She felt her breathing quicken again and the tears build up again.

"FUCK!" She yelled, throwing her tissue across the kitchen towards the fridge. T didn't make it of course but she didn't care. She leaned back against the cabinets, drawing her knees to her chest as she covered her eyes with her hands, letting out small whimpers and quiet sobs.

He left to follow his dreams and do what he wanted with his life, and she would be doing the same exact thing. But suddenly one of her rocks was gone, and while she had known it was coming she had turned a blind eye to it until she couldn't any more. She would die for him, but she couldn't follow where he lead. They hadn't had a huge fight that ended their relationship, neither of them cheated on the other. They hadn't lost feelings or grown apart from each other. But they were going different directions. When they had gotten together they had been both pointing in opposite directions. Yet they linked arms and walked together, the entire way hoping the other would soon point the same way as they did. Yet when neither changed their direction, and the fork in the road came up, they walked away.

She had tried to talk about the things that would be down her road but he had continued to point his way. He had invited her to follow, but he knew deep down that she wouldn't be able too. That's what hurt her the most. Was that if she could have gone with him, if she had the stability and mentality to be capable of being a military spouse, then the goodbye wouldn't have ended them. But she didn't, she didn't have those things. He had invited her to walk down a path laced with thorns and the only reason she couldn't follow was because she didn't have shoes.

"I'm such an idiot…" She whispered to herself, the words soft and yet to her they seemed to echo off the walls to scream back at her, the words being repeated through the empty house.

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just something I wrote in the moment :/ tell me what you thought


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